Finding the lump in my breast.
It was between Christmas and New Year’s that I was laying in bed one night and discovered the lump. I had been feeling some twinges in the area and started to feel around for what could be causing them. I immediately knew this was different. I have had cysts before in that breast and saw the doctor then. My family doctor at the time, told me that cysts feel more round. They have a shape, like marbles with a beginning and an end. Whereas something more serious doesn’t have that definition, it feels more integrated. I tried to convince myself it was probably another cyst and I was getting my period soon, so maybe it would go away.
On January 2, I was talking to a good friend and she made me promise that I would make a doctors appointment. I had started my period and the lump did not go away, so I made the appt for Jan 18th. The doctor was a routine exam. HE said he would refer me to Freeport Breast Clinic for a mammogram and ultrasound for more clarity. I had a bad feeling leaving his office, i think we both knew but were hoping for the best. I cried when I called my husband from the car.
The referral was sent right away and I heard back on the 19th that my mammogram date was February 27. That was the earliest they could get me in which was disappointing given how far away it was. Obviously you start to think of all the different possibilities and worst case scenarios and you know you’re gonna spin.
By Friday,Jan 20th I ended up going to emerge because while the lump itself wasn’t painful, It was causing me a lot of pain around it. It felt like it was pressing on some thing or pulling on things and it was it was causing me concern. I thought maybe if it is a cyst, they can drain it and relieve the pressure.
They did order me an ultrasound and they identified that there was nothing to drain. The doctor on call gave me a patient copy of the ultrasound which I immediately started googling everything. The radiologist had seen a suspicious mass that was spiculated (which means it’s got all these little tentacles off of it). They’re trying to attach to other things. The mass had internal vascularity which means it has a bloodline to it and it was recommended that I get a mammogram and topography, which is a 3-D mammogram, and an a biopsy and a concurrent surgical consult.
Googling those things only confirmed for me the journey that was lying ahead of me.
On the the following Monday, I followed up with Freeport clinic to make sure they had received the ultrasound appointment or ultrasound results from ER which they had but they couldn’t get me in any sooner and said that I was at the top of the cancellation list. Only a couple hours later they called me back and said they had a cancellation for February 3 which was perfect. It was only 2 Weeks away and so much better than February 27.
So on Friday, February 3 I went to my to Freeport for my mammogram and ultrasound and what I thought was gonna be a biopsy and current surgical consult as per the ultrasound in ER. However when I got there they did the ultrasound and the mammogram only. They said the original appointment booked by my family doctor was the one that was moved up to February 3. The surgeon wasn’t even there so I wasn’t getting a biopsy or a surgical consult at that point and another appointment would need to be made. While the nurses were absolutely amazing and so kind and everyone was so helpful, I left feeling really angry that the the ER recommendation had fallen through the cracks and that I didn’t get an appointment with the biopsy and consult. I think at this point, I knew it was cancer and I knew the recommendation for the imaging would be a biopsy . I was upset that this delayed what was the inevitable for me.
While I was there, I saw an advertisement for Pocket Health that you can register for and pay for and you get a copy of all of your records.I download it hoping to get the copy of the record at the same time that the mammogram results would go to my family doctor. By Saturday morning, I received an email saying that they were records waiting for me. So I signed into Pocket Health and my mammogram and ultrasound results had been posted. As I suspected, they recommended an ultrasound guided, biopsy and concurrent surgical appointment. It is highly suspicious and they actually labelled it up birad five, which means it’s 95 to 98% chance it’s cancerous according to my google search.
I was happy that I had the weekend to go over the results knowing I hear from my family doctor on Monday. It gave me time to process the news with my husband. I also called a good friend over that was just on the other side of a breast cancer diagnosis. While her story is completely different than mine, there are some similarities in the beginning. She was able to explain to me more about birad five, what happens with the biopsy the different types of cancers ( I had no ideas there were so many types of breast cancer) and the different types of treatment plans depending on the cancer. I am the type of person that likes as much information as I can to help me process and she was so helpful for me in that moment.
Throughout this whole process, I remained very calm and in my gut just knew that everything was gonna be all right. There would be some bad days but I can’t explain it. I felt calm and just knew in my gut that I was gonna come out on the other side and be just fine.
Monday rolled around and sure enough at 904am I got a call from my family doctors office. Hewanted to see me at noon. I knew that he wanted to go over the mammogram results. He obviously didn’t know that I had seen it so he’s doing his due diligence to walk me through it. After we hung up with the dortors office, my proactive husband called Freeport to make sure that I could get in the clinic for the next biopsy day. There was already five people assigned for the next clinic and they only take six a day, so they said if they got the referral from my family doctor that day they’d be able to get me. My husband came with me to the appt at noon. He reviewed the results and said I would be getting a biopsy. Wr shared with our Dr what Freeport had said and he sent the referral within minutes for us. I was able to secure a spot nine days later to meet with the surgeon have the biopsy and have the surgury consult.
Sitting in my family doctors office, going through the results of the of the mammogram was a little more uplifting. He noted that the lymph nodes seemed all clear. I have no family history so this could be just localized, but obviously we would know more after the biopsy as that would confirm the type of cancer and determine the treatment plan. I suddenly got very emotional and started crying. Hearing the word cancer be spoke out loud struck me hard. It suddenlyfelt very real. It wasn’t it wasn’t far away anymore. We were actually saying the “C” word.
We talked about me taking time off work because of the stress of all of this emotionally, I wasn’t capable of doing my job well while staring down the barrel of Cancer. I didn’t want to let my team down but I had to put myself and my famiy first. HE recommended 4 weeks off to get throught the next steps. I spoke with my HR business partner that afternoon. That was the first time I had to say out loud to someone that I hae a 95-98% chance of breast cancer. It was gut wrenching and I’m so grateful to her for holding space for me as I sobbed and being so compassionate.
We filled out the claims paperwork Monday night. Dave had already called a few of his doctor buddies to see if there’s any other way we could get the biopsy done quicker but they all they have agreed that waiting nine days was probably the fastest we were going to get in. The biopsy was scheduled for February 15 and they were said that it would take two weeks to get the pathology results to the know what type of cancer it is in with the action plan is.
Tuesday evening we told good friends of ours and the more I talked to people the more I found comfort in talking it out. I was so paranoid and terrified that my girls would over hear so we kept it close. I didn’t want to tell my girls and have them worry until we at least knew the action plan and be able to answer their questions.
I was and still am very sad for my girls that this is part of their story , even though I knew everything would be fine and we would get through it. I knew it would be a huge emotional impact for them. I am their hero and the thought of me not being here will be devastating to them, and kids typically go straight to death as they try and comprehend these types of issues. I made sure that we had a counsellor for them to talk to. I also really want to start blogging for them. My thoughts, my beliefs and reflections will be for them to have forever.