Week 15 update.

The first few days after the red warrior seemed ok. The exhaustion was next level (like fall asleep sitting up and holding a glass of water level) and I had waves of nausea but I was coping. Saturday morning I woke up and felt different. I felt chilled like I was getting a fever. I slept a lot of the day but at 10pm had to go to Emerge with a fever. Because your immune system is compromised, a fever is seen as an emergency for cancer patients.

I fainted when then took my blood and scared Dave and the nurses. They got me into a room after X-rays and bloodwork. I slept for a bit until the dr came to see me at 330am. My bloodwork came back normal, my X-ray was normal so they were putting me on 2 antibiotics as a precaution. This on top of the one I’ve been taking for 6 weeks. I stayed in bed all day Sunday and Monday. It took all my effort to walk to the bathroom. I felt weak and lightheaded. They told me I’m neutropenic and my hemoglobin is low.

I hit a wall. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I cried a lot those 2 days. It was horrible and I’m sick of being sick. I’m grateful my fever broke Monday overnight. This meant I felt a little bit better and was able to attend my grammas funeral. Today I’ve slept a lot and will continue to rest so my body can recover and hopefully my hemoglobin and white blood cells count can recover.

Of course my mind has been all over the place from “this too shall pass” to “I’m not doing chemo anymore”. I plan on talking to my dr about options. The “what ifs” is not a fun place to be mentally. What if I stop chemo, does that increase the chance of reoccurrence? What if I keep going and my body can’t handle it, will I have long term side effects to manage?

I’m exhausted. From everything.

One day at a time.

Xo